Blackbird
by jules456
Summary: JEYTON! Is there something that Peyton is hiding? Maybe it is just something that nobody is noticing... Couples, I don't know who yet besides Naley because thats a given in any story. warning cutting
1. Blackbird singing in the dead of night

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PLEASE READ BELOW

Not really a romantic story. If a couple pops up, other than like Naley it will be a complete surprise to me. I haven't written any dark themed stories for OTH so I figured that it was time to experience my usual writing. I like to see character fall from grace because then comes the challenge with writing because you have to have full access to all aspects of the characters life, relationships, and personality. This chapter is short to see what kind of response there is…

XOXO Jules

Blackbird

Chapter 1: "Blackbird singing in the dead of night"

Peyton Sawyer walked around the grocery store to the frozen foods isle. She had been doing the grocery shopping for as long as she could remember. Before her mom had died they had always done it together, but now it was just her. Well she did have her father, theoretically at least.

"Hey." She heard a voice say from behind her.

"Jake." She said turning around to see her friend with a cart stuffed with frozen food much like her own. "What's up?"

"Just grocery shopping." Peyton said dully.

"Is your dad back in town?" Jake asked

"No." Peyton replied dully.

"Are you alright?" Jake asked.

Jake was the only one who really ever asked her that. She was strong or at least everyone thought that she was. It was easier no to have people always on your back about something, or worried about you. Sometimes it made herself think that she was really okay.

"Of course." She said putting on a fake smile and playing with the hands of Jenny who sat in the front of the cart.

"Let's have another movie night this Friday." Jake said.

"Sure." Actually company of any kind at this point was pretty much welcome "We can do it at my place."

"Alright, see you tomorrow in school. I've gotta jet." Jake said waving goodbye and exiting the isle.

Peyton went home and switched on the lights of the dark house. They were now all in their Senior year. Jake had come back after hearing that Nikki was clear out to Seattle, and Lucas had come back after the first semester of the year, to look after Haley after it really sunk in that she was married to his brother. Them being all wrapped up in that kind of left Peyton on the sidelines. Brooke was around and all, but she was busy with cheerleading, which Peyton dropped at the beginning of the year… She had to drop it to be able to keep her secret… it wasn't that she liked it very much anyways so there was no real loss.

Art, art of any kind was always her escape… She looked down at her new canvas, already showing signs of her other artistic explorations. She took her tool and worked carefully, and slowly… ever so slowly until color began to show…

She loved her new form of art more than any of her past ones. This one was private, … it was just for her.

Her wrist was the canvas and her pick that she used to sharpen her charcoals the tool. The crimson blood flowed like silk down her arms into her hands. This was her reality.

Peyton sat alone at lunch reading "Anthem". It was her favorite book since she first read it in the eighth grade. The cover was missing from what felt like the beginning, and the pages were thin from her constant fingering through it.

"Hey." Lucas said sliding in next to her. "Mind if I sit?"

"Not at all." She said closing the book and looking at the blue eyed boy. "So how is everything?" She asked in her typical fashion. She asked them questions before they could ask her.

"It's good." Lucas said.

"Nathan treating Haley alright?" She asked taking a bite of her apple. Her arm throbbing when she went to grab it.

"Of course, he's not dead yet is he?" Lucas said winking at her.

Peyton began to feel a wetness under her shirtsleeve.

"I have to go to the bathroom…" She said quickly getting up, feeling a dull ache in her wrist from each movement. "See ya." She said hurrying off before Lucas could see the small trail of blood that was running down her thumb…


	2. Take these broken wings and learn to fly

**Hey all. Thanks for the reviews. I made this story based on a down time in my own life so… yeah. ANYWAY, read and review!**

XOXO Jules

Chapter 2: "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"

Peyton sat in history class, Haley and Nathan were flirting behind her as usual, and that strange kid whose name nobody knew sat in the corner picking his nose. The only thing that she wanted was to be home with a razor.

"Hey Peyton." Jake said coming and sitting next to her. "What's up?"

She shrugged.

"Nothing. Still haven't heard from Nikki?"

She knew that Jake had responded in some way or another and yet she didn't hear a word that he said. Sometimes it was like that, you sit down looking out the window, and then the next thing you know the sun is no longer in the sky and you have wasted six hours.

Peyton drove home much slower than usual. Now a days there seemed to be nothing really important to rush to. She checked her mail on the way in.

"Oh great." She said fingering her second quarter report card. She had gotten 3 C's, 3 D's, an E. She tossed the piece of paper out when she got inside and headed up to her room. Unsure of what to do she sat down at her computer. Her web cam wasn't on. She no longer bothered with the device. There just didn't seem to be any point.

How she stumbled across a site called psychotic teen she didn't know, but at the time it seemed to be just what she needed.

On the site were testimonials from people all over the place about the beauty of eating disorders and self-mutilation. For the first time Peyton felt as if she wasn't alone. People in Tree Hill weren't like her… She was alone in this.

The site actually gave her a lot of ideas. What to mix with what in the event that one cared to end their life so on and so forth. She read the stories of the members. She knew how hers would go if she posted it.

"_Peyton Sawyer,_

I never thought that I would find a calm from anything, a peace, a security, but I just have. The release is what makes it beautiful, how all of your pain is there right before your eyes spilling down your wrists. Nothing has ever felt so good to me, …so real. People are so caught up in their own shit. Nothing means anything to them accept their own selfish wants. They come to me for it all. Of course I don't need anything. I am strong. Better that I take out all my pain on myself then them right? I look at myself in the mirror and know that it is all that I have, and that's okay with me. My razor can't leave me like Parents do, or friends, or money. It is my constant, and wouldn't have it any other way."

"My thigh", Peyton said pulling up the leg of her shorts to reveal her now bare thigh.

_"CONSTANT", _She carved deeply into her inner thigh. She drug it across her flesh getting a deeper more satisfying feeling of pain each time. The sight of blood was something that she craved. Of course her thigh didn't bleed as much as her wrists, but if you pushed down far enough it could satisfy you.

The door bell ran.

"What the hell?" Peyton said putting a towel against her leg to try to control the bleeding a little without much success. "COMING!" She yelled out of her window so whoever was there could hear her. She tossed on a long sleeved shirt, and big black sweatpants.

She almost tripped coming down the stairs. She had to hold onto the railing for support. Her arm ached as she grabbed hold of the banister.

"COMING!" She yelled again. She swung the door open to find Brooke standing in front of her.

"Hey." Brooke said smiling. "I just figured that I would stop by."

Peyton gave her a fake smile.

"It's all good." They went into her living room. She didn't want Brooke to see the bloody towels in her room. "So what's up?" Peyton asked Brooke as she sat on the couch.

"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I have been hanging a lot with Lucas lately. I just wanted to make sure that you are cool with it."

Sometimes all that seemed to matter to everyone was their relationships, who was dating who, what was cheating on who. Finally Peyton was able to see through the naivety of it all. There is more to everything than high school.

"I don't care." Peyton said honestly. "Whatever floats your boat."

"Good. You are so understanding." Brooke said hugging her best friend tightly. She brushed her arm against her best friends. The moisture of Peytons wrist went unnoticed, but that was to be expected.


	3. All your life, you were only waiting for...

**Hey. This chapter gets a little darker and graphic at the end. Just a warning. READ, REVIEW, and REQUEST!**

XOXO Jules

Chapter 3: "All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise"

Peyton Sawyer woke up to the sound of birds chirping as loud as anything and the cicadas making what ever annoying sound that they made. She knew that she really should be going to school, … but just… no…

She woke up well after two o' clock and headed to the park. She wanted to be alone more than anything. She walked along a deserted path in the park. She pulled a cigarette out of her pocket. She had started smoking back in the sixth grade after her grandmother had died. She did it through middle school, kicked it in ninth grade, and picked it back up her sophomore year. Something about it calmed her. Brooke swore that if she ever caught her doing it again she would make her use the nicotine patch which made absolutely no sense seeing how Brooke smoked as much, if not more that she did. People could be such hypocrites.

"Peyton Sawyer." A voice said coming from behind her. She turned around to see a guy that she didn't recognize. He was tall, his hair died black… he was wearing big baggy pants and a black tank top. His arms were lined with tattoos, he had his tounge, lip, ears, eyebrow, and god know what else pierced .

"Who are you?" She asked stepping away from the guy.

"Jaggar." He said extending a hand that Peyton did not take. "Jaggar Jigalski."

"Jakes brother… you look so… different." Peyton said taking his hand.

"Well it has been two years. Tree Hill, class of 2002 baby." He said

"I never even thought that you knew who I was." Peyton said

"I did. Trust me, I know you. Probably more than you think." He said crossing his arms in a cocky manner.

"How is that?" Peyton said challenging him by crossing her arms over her chest as well.

"jagged-edge." Jaggar said.

Peyton immediately recognized the name. She talked to him on the website all of the time. God she told him practically everything about herself… this was just awkward…

"Darker than you think (drkrthnuthnk)." Peyton responded. "How did you know it was me?"

"You had the same name on your web cam."

"How did you know about my web cam." Peyton said eyes nearly popping out of her head.

"I saw my little bro looking at it. I stood behind him for awhile watching you. Who could resist a hot blonde. Anyway, later when I was on one of well… my types of sites I saw the same name again. So I decided was going to find out the truth behind the former cheerleader." Jaggar explained

"Well did you get enough?" Peyton said walking away. She flinched as Jaggar grabbed her wrist.

"What do you do when your friends grab you there? When they don't even realize you wince in pain… They don't care do they? They don't know what you need? I do Peyton. See, you and me, we aren't like them."

His words hit her like a knife…

"So what. We're two tortured souls. What are we supposed to do about it?" Peyton asked swinging around to find herself less than an inch from Jaggar's face.

"I'll let you know. See you in an hour at your place." He said leaving the stunned 17 year old girl on the path.

Jaggar walked into his house and swung his backpack on the ground.

"What's up little bro."

Jake rolled his eyes. He knew that his brother was up to something.

"Where are you headed?" Jake asked when his brother headed back out again minutes later.

"To get some ass." He said tossing a back over his back.

Jake rolled his eyes. He felt sorry for the poor girls that his brother played, but there was nothing he could do. Little did he know the next one would be Peyton.

Jaggar knocked on Peyton's door. Nobody answered. He tested the door to find it open. He let himself in.

He found Peyton's room easily. The door was cracked. You could see Peyton sitting on her bed, a small pool of blood on her thighs.

"Hey baby." Jaggar said pushing the door open.

"What the hell are you doing here." She asked not even bothering to hide what she had done to herself.

"I came to see you." He said sitting on the bed behind her, running his hands through her hair, beginning to kiss her neck.

He pulled both of her wrists from where they were resting at her sides. He gently ran his hands over the scars there. Peyton noticed that he himself had many cuts on his wrists, some fresh, some not… He slowly traced the scars on her wrists, and the slowly bent down and kissed them. Maybe this is the one person who know me, Peyton thought. And so she gave into him.

"You're beautiful…" He said.

That was all that Peyton needed to hear. She turned around and captured her lips with his own. Jaggar pushed her down on the bed, pinning her down with her hands above her head. His muscular body held her down when she tried to resist as he removed their clothing.

"Ssshhh… it will be okay." He whispered in her ear as she clenched her eyes shut. The look of pain in her face only tuned him on more. The only guy that she had ever been with was Nathan Scott.

Afterwards their sweaty bodies melded together. Jaggar picked up a razor that he found on the floor.

"May I?" He asked turning Peyton over.

Peyton nodded and clasped her eyes together as he began to carve a small heart right above her pelvic bone, and one right above his to match.

He kissed her again.

"I love you." He said rubbing his hands tracing circles over her belly.

Peyton would learn a difficult lesson about letting people in. Telling them your every dream… weakness…


	4. Blackbird singing in the dead of night

**Hey. Sorry for the delay. I had a soccer tournament in Hampden. Blah. Anyways, READ AND REVIEW! More updates and longer chapters soon.**

XOXO Jules

Chapter 3: "Blackbird singing in the dead of night"

Jake walked around the halls the next day looking for Peyton who was nowhere to be seen. This was the second day in a row. He began to get concerned, and so he hopped in his car and drove over to her house. Jake knew that although she was always home alone she never locked the door.

"Peyton?" He called climbing up the stairs to her room. "Peyt?" He said glancing through the crack in the door only to find her in the arms of… his brother? "JAGGAR!" Jake called.

"Hey man." Jaggar said sitting up in bed next to Peyton who was still asleep. A cover was tossed over the two.

"What the hell are you doing man?" Jake asked scared to approach his brother.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He asked rubbing against Peyton which caused Jake to cringe.

"Look Jaggar. Peyton isn't like that. She isn't just one of those girls that you can sleep with and toss out." Jake said

"Who said I was going to toss her out? That was the best lay I've ever had. Nobody else let's me do those… things." He said.

Now Jake wished for Peytons sake that he would toss her out.

"Jaggar do you have to screw up everything you touch?" Jake asked coming nearer to the bed.

"I'm thinking' you should leave now baby bro. I think she's waking up. Almost time for round two."

Jake was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Could he just leave Peyton with his brother? It didn't look like he had hurt her… but still… Maybe it wasn't his place. Right now at least.

"You're such an ass." Jake said leaving allowing the door to shut behind him.

Peyton stirred when she heard the front door slam.

"What was that?" She asked mumbling into Jaggars chest.

"Nobody." He said his hands running up and down her back.

"Are you sure?" She asked

"Yeah." Jaggar said as he began to trace the heart that he had earlier carved into her. "You seem tense." He said kissing her neck

"No. I'm fine." She said trying to convince Jaggar as well as herself

"Are you lying to me?" He asked tugging on her hair lightly.

Peyton shook her head no. Jaggar rolled his eyes and got out of bed not even worrying about covering his nakedness. He went to his pants that were carelessly slung on the floor and pulled out a bottle.

"Drink some." He told her tossing the bottle at her

"What is it?" She asked.

"Just something to help you calm down." He told her, climbing back into her bed.

He was staring holes into her as he watched her take a slow swing and then gag at the liquid that was sliding down her throat. It burned at first, and then her mouth went dry…

"What-" She began.

"It's okay baby." Jaggar said kissing her body all over. "Round two."

The next day Jake sat next to Peyton at lunch. She wasn't eating anything, she was just rolling an apple around the table.

"Hey." Jake said

"Hey." Peyton responded not much wanting to be bothered

"How are you doing?"

Those words alerted her. Nobody ever asked her how she was doing unless they wanted something.

"Fine." She said, but then noticed that Jake was still staring at her "What!" She asked

"It's just that… I saw you the other night at your house with my brother."

Peyton was unsure of how to respond, so she thought it wise to wait for Jake to continue.

"He's not a good guy. I want you to stay away from him." Jake told her

"Who are you, my father!" Peyton yelled.

"YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!" Jake yelled. "My brother is a loser."

"Oh yeah, and so what does that make you. You knocked up your girlfriend sophomore year!"

"I made mistakes and I am paying for them!" Jake said trying not to show that he was hurt by Peytons words.

"Listen Jake, you made your mistakes, let me make mine. Just leave me alone." Peyton said putting her hands in the air as a sign of surrender and walking away.

As she lifted her hands Jake saw a trace of red on the sleeve of her white shirt.


	5. AN!

Hey all. I just figured that I needed a serious authors note with this story. Anyone who has read my author profile knows that I write stories about controversial things. It's kind of hard to write the way that I do because people get these interpretations. Now I do want to say I am ssssooo sorry to Nina for not making a warning on this story. When I edited the summary I forgot to put it back up. I am sorry if I offended anybody, but I will continue with this story. As far as me not understand cutting, that is not true. I don't feel that I have to explain myself to anyone but I feel that I have nothing to hide. I cut, I have off and on since sixth grade, I am now a junior. It got really bad last year and the year before because of circumstances which I am not going to get into. I have been in the hospital numerous times for this, I have watched some of my best friends make attempts to kill themselves. I myself have. I am sorry if you have been through something similar and do not understand why I would write it, but all that I can tell you is that people need to be aware of stuff like this. As a part of me getting better I can't deny all of the things that I went through and that I have done. Yes I know that it may seem strange, but unlike other stories this is not purely for entertainment. I have had one of my best friends who was abused by her parents, raped, alienated, suicidal, and so on and so forth collapse in my arms hopelessly... So for me, this is reality. I see the people around me struggle everyday, people that I love. Maybe I am writing this story to give guidance to other people going through this, maybe as a healing tool for myself. All I know is that I am writing this story, and I hope that people are okay with that because it was NEVER my intention to hurt anyone. Vikki, I am sorry that you feel the way that you do but that can't be my problem. I am sorry if I offended you. But you ask me how do I know what pain is? I know it because I feel it every day. And you say, "im not trying to say i know u, but i do know when a person has gone through this experience and i know for a fact that ur not one of them", I just want to let you know that your assmption is really off, but if I am not one of them, tell me, what am I?

Thanks for your time. I really wanted to get that cleared up. I am sorry for any negative ramifications because of this story. I think that I am going to change the rating.

Thanks!

xoxo Jules

P.S: If there is anything you want cleared up, or you want to IM me, feel free. My screen name is, chexmixforyou

Bye Bye


	6. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

Hey all! Long chapter since it's been awhile and things have been drama-ish. Thanks for everything with this story. I know that some may feel like some of the stuff that Peyton is doing is out of character, but what I am trying to portray is how something such as depression can alter people so greatly. Their views, their actions. She is not supposed to be "herself". I luv u all, like seriously, really though, I do.

xoxo Jules

Chapter 5: "Take these sunken eyes and learn to see"

Jakes mind raced. What was he going to do? Why was Peyton bleeding from her wrists? … why had none of them noticed it sooner. Lately, … well more that lately she had seemed down, not herself, distracted, reserved… He had to find everyone else. Find out what they knew. He saw Brooke and Lucas across the school yard and hastened his pace to a jog as he approached them.

"You alright man?" Lucas asked standing up, Brooke following.

"No, I think that something is wrong with Peyton." He said.

"What, where is she?" Brooke asked looking around.

"She left."

"How do you know that something is wrong?" Lucas asked

"I went to visit her the other day… I went into her room and she was in bed with Jaggar…"

"YOU'RE SLEEZE-BALL BROTHER?!" Brooke yelled.

"Yeah." Jake said.

"Well, that doesn't mean a lot." Luke said.

"Well in the room there was also this smell… this metallic smell…"

"Maybe it was one of Peytons art supplies." Lucas tried to rationalize.

"Dude, it smelled like blood."

"Like someone was dead?" Brooke asked.

"No, Peyton cuts her wrists and god knows what else. I saw blood on her sleeve a couple of minutes ago."

"That is the biggest lie I've ever heard! I would have known! She is my best friend!" Brooke yelled, her voice rising.

"I know, but think about it, hasn't Peyton been a little off the past like… wow, since I can remember. I should have picked up on it sooner." Jake said

"I see her all the time. I should have." Lucas said

"She is my best friend!" Brooke yelled. "If anyone should have known it is me!"

The three stood there for long mentally beating themselves up.

Peyton stormed into the girls bathroom, slamming the stall door.

"Shit!" She said seeing how the blood was slowly appearing on her shirt. She wanted to do it again, but it was already obvious enough, and then she though… "What do I care?" She said rolling up her sleeve, taking a razor out of her pocket." Right then all that she needed was release.

Haley James zipped up her pants in the next stall over. She looked down, at the blood slowly dripping to the floor… Someone was just a little leaky with the period juice… right? She tried to reason… And then she saw in, the bloody wrist reach down to clean up the mess.

She waited until the girl exited the bathroom stall before she retreated from her own. She was shocked by what she saw.

"Peyton?" Haley said in a small voice.

"Um… hi Hales…" Peyton asked her eyes shifting back and forth.

"Are you alright?" Haley asked shifting from foot to foot.

"Peachy." Peyton responded looking past Haley rather than at her.

"I…um, I saw-" Haley began.

"Look, whatever you think you saw you didn't!" Peyton said in a threatening tone as she headed out of the bathroom. Why was this day completely sucking. She went out back of the school and pulled out a cigarette.

After school that day Lucas shot baskets with Nathan. Nathan watched him miss another shot.

"Dude, what's on your mind?" Nathan asked

"What do you mean man?" Lucas asked passing the ball back to him.

"Your hearts not in it. Look we gotta practice so get whatever is up off your chest." Nathan said passing the ball back.

"It's Peyton." Lucas said as the two headed over to the bleachers.

"What about her?" Nathan asked him

"You know anything about her and cutting?" Lucas asked

Nathan took a deep breath and looked away.

"What man?" Lucas asked "WHAT! Come on Nathan this is serious."

"I knew that she used to… awhile, I guess that it was early last year… the first time we, yanno, I noticed scars on her thighs. She told me that they were from slid tackling in her soccer days… I was a jerk back then, I just let it go."

"But she didn't cut her wrists?" Lucas asked

"No." Nathan said.

"I guess she's gotten bolder." Luke said looking at his brother.

"Or more desperate." Nathan said glancing back

That night Jake was on his computer, a chat box popped up.

Tutor4scott: Jake, it's Haley and Nate.

Cheer4lyfe: And me Brooke, and Luke

Kindaoff: Hey

Teenpappa: Hey guys! So what's the deal?

Kindaoff: We need to talk to Peyton

Cheer4lyfe: Yeah all of us. The people that love her

Tutor4scott: an intervention

Teenpappa: It's better than nothing, we can't do it here, Jaggar's 'round

Kindaoff: We can do it at her place since she is always alone there

Cheef4life: Is it gonna be alright there? On her turf and all?

Tutor4scott: This is Nathan now, we can do it at my place

Teenpappa: I can ask her to watch Jenny. I'll say she was there with Haley and for her to pick her up.

Kindaoff: good deal

Teenpappa: Imma go call her. Tommorw about 4?

Tutor4scott: Alright cu there

Kindaoff: Night

Cheer4lyfe: See you guys

Jake signed off and then went and picked up the phone, dialing Peyton's number.

"Hello?" He heard a groggy voice ask

"He, it's me."

"Jake." Peyton said.

"Yeah. Sorry to call so late, but I was wondering if you can watch Jenny tomorrow."

"Even after the fight?" Peyton asked not surprised he didn't seem to care

"Yeah. I really need to go to a study session."

"Alright." Peyton said

"So can you pick her at about 4:30 from Nathan and Haleys?"

"Why there?" Peyton asked skeptically.

"We have practice and Haley is watching her. She has work at 5."

Peyton was hesitant about going to see Haley after everything in the bathroom, but it had been awhile since she spent time with Jenny.

"Alright."

"Thanks Peyton."

"See ya." She said hanging up.

Jake heard the dial tone at the other end… this was going to be interesting.


	7. All your life

** Hey. New chapter. Read, review, and request! **

** xoxo Jules**

Chapter 5: "All your life"

Everyone was more than a little on edge the next day at Haley and Nathan's place. They were waiting for Peyton to arrive. Nobody spoke. They went over the speeches time and time again, all of the "We love you, but you need help" but somewhere it really didn't seem to matter. They all knew that it was going to come down to more than a couple of encouraging words.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"That must be her." Lucas said. 'Oh god what am I going to say? I never thought that I was going to be the one who had to help PEYTON! Maybe I was wrong to move on to Brooke so quickly. Maybe I should have asked her how she felt… god this is all my fault…'

"Thank you captain obvious." Brooke retorted 'What was not so obvious was when she got all… cuttish and stuff,' Brooke thought, 'duh she has to be a little depressed because she is an artist and stuff but… why didn't she tell me? I would have been there for her! Had I not been wrapped up in my relationship with Lucas… this is my fault.'

"I'll get it." Haley said standing up and walking to the door. She cast a glance over her shoulder to her friends that sat on the couch in an awkward silence. She turned back to the door and then pulled it open. "Hey Peyton." Haley said giving her a small smile.

Peyton immediately looked around the living room.

"Is there a change of plans?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah there is." Haley said closing the door, taking away Peyton's one and only escape. 'Oh my god what is she going to think of me?' Haley thought as she led the girl inside. 'We're friends right? Yeah we are, I just hope that this doesn't piss her off anymore than she already is. God where did she go wrong? Where did we go wrong as her friends? We should have been able to prevent this right? This is so my fault. Coming to her about all of the problems with Nathan and I about sex and other dumb stuff. I talked, I never listened, Maybe I pushed her to this…'

Peyton felt her stomach fall. It was as though she was on a roller coaster and they had just gone down a huge drop.

"What is going on?" She asked already she pretty much already knew. Ah the beauty in attempting to delay the inevitable.

"Come sit down." Haley said

"No. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" Peyton yelled.

Nobody spoke up.

"Well then I am heading out!" Peyton said grabbing hold of the door knob. Jake was the first to act. He jetted off of the couch and grabbed her wrist. Peyton winced in pain.

"I'm not letting you go." Jake said through clenched teeth. He released her wrist to find his hand moist from the blood below her shirt sleeve. 'Oh god, oh god, oh god. My best friend in the world… what the hell has she done? It's my fault. Oh Jake how could you be so dumb. I asked her to babysit Jenny all of the time. What was I thinking? A girl doesn't need the burden of a child with them 24-7, I should know. And Jaggar! I should have never allowed him back in the house. I should have begged my parents to keep him away. It was bad enough that he was near Jenny but PEYTON… and all of the stuff they were do-… No Jake, don't think of that… this is totally my fault.'

"Why can't you all just leave me the hell alone!" Peyton yelled. "I don't need your help!"

"Yes you do." Nathan said 'I bet all of us are running the reasons through our head of why this is our fault, but it is really mine. I KNEW about this since last year, but no, I was too worried about getting laid to actually care what she was doing to herself. I saw the cuts on her thighs and I did nothing. This is more my fault than anyone else's.'

"Oh shut up Nathan, what the fuck do you know!" Peyton said staring holes through him.

"We know you're not okay." Nathan said

"I don't even know you anymore." Brooke said through tears

"You don't know me anymore." Peyton said letting out a laugh. "You NEVER knew me Brooke. You were too worked up in your childish love games to get the chance to know me. But I know you! I know every single one of you. I know how Nathan has a secret fear of becoming his father and he doesn't feel worthy about Haley. I know how Haley thinks that you're gonna get tired of her… in the bedroom at least. Little tutor girl could never stack up to all of the other girls in the sack." Peyton said

Nathan and Haley's head sunk.

"You don't know what the hell you are talking about Peyton." Lucas said calmly

"Don't I?" She responded

"Look, we know that something has been going on with you recently but cutting yourself and doing whatever the hell you do with Jaggar is not going to help!" Jake said evenly

"Oh, and so what, this is? All of my friends telling me how screwed up I am. NEWSFLASH! I already know! I have to live with my own conscience so why the hell should I have to live with yours!" She yelled

"Peyton, we all love you. We want to help." Haley said stepping towards her. Peyton stepped back.

"You don't love me." She said backing up against the wall.

"Yes we do." Lucas said

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Peyton yelled near tears.

"Yeah Peyton, we do. That is why we want you to get better. We want to help you get help. You are better than this. All of this." Jake said grabbing hold of she shoulders

"No…" Peyton said tears beginning to shed, "no…" and as each tear fell her wall slowly began to crumble. She pushed against Jake as he pulled her into his strong chest

"You are better than this." He whispered again in her ear

"No, no, no… Than why do I feel like this?" Peyton asked sinking into Jakes chest sobbing.

At that moment there was not a dry eye, yes the Scott brothers included.

"I should, um… go." Brooke said heading out of the apartment. It hurt her to see her best friend this way but what she said was right. She hadn't been there for her.

"Brooke!" Lucas called out chasing after her.

Jake looked up at Nathan and Haley.

"I'll give her a ride back to her place."

They nodded.

"Thanks man." Nathan said as Jake helped Peyton to his car.

Jake helped her inside of her house. The place was dark and empty. No wonder she felt so alone, … she was. Jake led an unsteady Peyton up the stairs. Neither could believe what had just happened.

Jake led her to her bed and laid her down. Peyton fit in her bed like a butterfly in a cocoon, the blankets protectively wrapped around her. The room was tainted by the metallic smell of a mixture of blood and alcohol. Jake looked around the room, her knew what he had to do, and quickly got to work.

He got a huge trash bag and everything sharp, bloody, medical or alcoholic went inside. Next he cleaned up her art area that was under the biggest window in her room. It seemed to have been abandoned long ago, and thirdly he set up her web cam. His idea was to exhibit positive forms of release. How therapist does that sound?

He fell asleep late that night on the floor next to Peytons bed, after having checked that Jenny was situated with his mother.

Peyton awoke the next morning. Suddenly the night before flash before her eyes. Had that all really happened or was it just a dream? No… she realized when she looked down on the floor and saw Jake. Peyton smiled a little bit as she went downstairs to fix something to eat… Only she entered the kitchen to find Jaggar standing at the fridge eating…

"Hey babe." He said grinning

** Hum, I really wanted to stay away from couples with this but at anything I think that it may be a Jayton relationship/friendshup, just because Lucas bothers me. I look at him and think of lone ranger, or Tristan from gilmore girls, or that guy from Dawsons creek or Freaky friday... hum... just don't know...**

****

** xoxo Jules **


	8. You were only waiting for this moment to...

Chapter 6: "You were only waiting for this moment to be free"

"Jaggar." Peyton said backing away. "What are you doing here?"

"We had plans last night after you were supposed to watch Jenny. I hope my little bro didn't snake you into watching her longer or something."

"Oh no, I don't mind it. I love Jenny." Peyton said softly

"You don't love anything." Jaggar said stepping towards her. "You only love the pain. You told me this yourself. I know everything about you Peyton."

It was then that she noticed that he held a knife in his hand. He put the cool flat metal edge against her arm, and ran it lightly across. He continued to caress her wrist, showing many cuts of days prior, with the knife.

"Do it." He said, his voice becoming deep and husky.

Peyton looked him dead in the eye. It was as though they were challenging one another without saying a word. Both of their eyes we hard, empty, and desperate.

"Do it." Jaggar repeated this time leaning in whispering in her ear.

Right then Peyton broke. She grabbed the handle of the knife and did one big, very fast, deep cut. It had never gone that deep before. Blood began to pour down her wrist from that single cut. Peyton stood pale in front of Jaggar who just stood and watched the blood slowly drip to the floor.

Jake walked into the kitchen rubbing his eyes.

"Peyton?" He said, he entered the kitchen to find Jaggar and Peyton less that two feet away from each other, a small puddle of blood forming at Peyton's feet. "WHAT THE HELL!" Jake yelled pushing Jaggar away from her and grabbing a dish towel.

"Huh?" Peyton said looking around as Jake attempted to wrap her wrist. "Get off me!" She yelled pushing Jake off her, only causing herself to bleed more in the process. "STOP!" She yelled as Jake fought hard against her. "I'm fine! Get off of me!"

Jaggar came up behind Jake.

"She's fine. Get off of her." Jaggar said walking up to his brother.

"You leave her the hell alone. This is because of you!" Jake yelled shoving his brother.

The two brothers were so busy wrestling on that they did not notice that Peyton had collapsed on the floor until they heard a voice behind them.

"JAKE!" Lucas yelled scooping Peyton up in his arms. "We've got to get her to the hospital!" Jake turned around to see Lucas holding an unconscious Peyton.

"I'll take her." Jake said. "You go grab your car."

"Alright." Lucas said running out and hopping into his car where Jake met him with Peyton.

Later, Lucas, Nathan, Jake, and Brooke waited in the waiting room to hear anything about Peytons condition. Haley was watching Jenny but on her way. The doctor after about an hour came in.

"Is Mr. Sawyer here?" He asked

"He is out on the boat. He will probably not be back for days." Brooke said. "How is she?"

"We are only supposed to release medical information to immediate family." He said apologetically.

Right then Haley entered with Jenny. Jenny was fussy and on the verge of a breakdown in Haleys arms.

"What did you do to her?" Nathan asked

"NOTHING!" Haley said defensively. "Babies are smart, they can sense when something is wrong." Haley said kissing the top of Jenny's head as she handed her to Jake.

"Is that her daughter?" The doctor asked

They all looked around at one another.

"YES!" Brooke quickly said. "That is my niece." She smiled reaching for Jenny.

The doctor raised an eyebrow.

"I am her stepsister!" Brooke said smiling.

"And I am the baby's father!" Jake said quickly.

"Yeah. Peyton is my sister." Lucas lied. They may believe it blonde hair and all.

"And he is my brother!" Nathan said.

"And I'm his wife!" Haley added.

"So don't you see. We're all family!" Brooke said smiling.

It was for the most part true. Brooke and Peyton were like sisters, and Peyton was more of a mother figure to Jenny anyway. The brother Lucas part was kind of random, but it just worked. How they saw it they were each others family.

"You two first." He said pointing to Jake.

"Me?" He said surprised picking up Jenny.

"Follow me." He said.

Jake followed him down the silent sterile halls of the hospital, it was almost two silent. Then they reached Peytons room. Or Jake assumed so at least because they had stopped walking.

"You can go in." He said opening the door.

"Thanks." Jake said as the doctor closed the door behind him.

When Peyton saw him she wasn't sure what to do.

"Hey kid. How goes it?" She said

"Don't try that with me Peyton." Jake said pulling a chair up along side of her bed. "How are you?"

She had bandages wrapped on her arms almost up to her elbows.

"Sixteen stitches in my arms, eight in my legs." She said, she looked over and Jenny and smiled reaching her arms out to her.

"I want her!" Peyton said, arms still out.

Jake smiled as he handed her his daughter. When Jenny was in Peytons arms she immediately settled down. She laid on the bed beside her as the older girl stroked her hair and played with her fingers.

"Don't ever leave her Jake."

"Huh?" He responded

"You may think that it is the best thing to make a good living so you could have the perfect house or the perfect car. All of that doesn't matter in the end. Whats matters is you being with her." 'Like my father wasn't with me', she wanted to add.

"I promise." Jake said smiling.

"Thanks for everything Jake. I feel bad. Since all of this has been going on we haven't hung out much. Friday night,… if I'm out of here, you, me, and Jenny, movie night at my place. Mouth works at the theater and so I'll get him to get us something still playing." She said winking.

"It's a deal. I'm going to go grab a drink. Do you want anything?" He asked

Peyton shook her head no. He reached for Jenny.

"She can stay with me while you go." She offered. "I've missed her, and anyway you'll be right back."

Jake smiled and then left the room. A few minutes later there was a light knock at the door.

"Come in." Peyton said quietly so she wouldn't wake Jenny who had just fallen asleep.

Brooke slowly entered the room closing the door behind her.

"Hey baby." She said smiling kissing her on her forehead.

"What's up." Peyton asked

"Not much. Just worried about my best friend." She said smiling.

Peyton looked away so that Brooke couldn't tell that she was crying. Girls like Peyton didn't cry.

"I'm really sorry Brooke."

"For what?" She asked

"Cutting you out of my life." She said

"Oh please. I cut you out not to long ago if memory serves me correctly FOR A BOY!" She added.

Peyton smiled. Brooke looked down at Jenny.

"Where's Jake?"

"He went to get a drink." Peyton said looking down at the little baby smiling.

"I know that there is a time and a place for everything," Brooke began, "but please don't tell me that you are crushing on Jake."

Peyton blushed brightly through her stress paled features.

"Maybe a little."

"He is a really good guy." Brooke pointed out.

"We'll see." Peyton said smiling down at Jenny again.

"But Peyton, remember, he's got a kid." Brooke said

"I know. That's part of the reason I like him so much. He's doing it all on his own. He's being a man about it. He never pulled a Nikki or Dan Scott and ran off. Or left like my dad for the sake of something better. He is there each and everyday taking care of her, whatever she needs she has it. I admire him."

"Did Sawyer become a softy?" Brooke said wide eyed.

Peyton blushed again. A couple of minutes later Brooke left to give Peyton some rest time.

"Damn soda machines." Jake said when he entered the room. "Ate three of my dollars."

He stopped when there was no response. He looked to see Peyton lying in bed, with Jenny at her side. Jennys head lied on Peytons chest. The two looked so calm… peaceful. It seemed in the moment that life just got a little easier.

**ONLY TWO MORE CHAPTERS LEFT. :(** Read and Review!

**XOXO Jules**


	9. Blackbird Fly

**One more chapter left! Please read and review! The last tow chapters are kind of just mushy fun stuff. ALL OF YOU THAT WANTED THIS TO BE A PEYTON/LUCAS, I just posted a story called "Away from the Sun", check it out. I think it's gonna be a good one.**

** xoxo Jules**

Chapter 7: "Blackbird Fly"

A week and a half later

Peyton glanced around the room as she threw the last of her clothes in the bag.

"I can't believe I'm leaving this place." She said

"Oh please gurlie. Now your out we can get some real food." Brooke said tossing Peytons bag over her shoulder. The only luggage Peyton ever saw her carry was her cheerleading bag. "Come on. Luke's car is outside. We're going home."

Peyton rolled her eyes and shoved her hands into her pockets as she followed her best friend out to where Lucas was waiting in the parking lot. The conversation on the way back consisted of what was going on in school, and other meaningless topics.

When Peyton got home Jake and Jenny were there, along with Nathan and Haley. Jake held up a video tape.

"I figured since we missed our last video night, no time like the present."

"No day like today." Haley finished

"Oh my god you guys are crazy." Peyton said smiling

"We didn't just get out of the physc ward." Nathan said… Everyone but Peyton, who laughed, glared at him. "Bad joke!" Nathan said holding up both hands.

Peyton laughed again.

"So what movie do you have?"

"Well we were going with series movies, so we have all of the terminators, all of the _Lord of The Rings_, all of the _"Scary Movies_", _I know What you Did Last Summers_, both _Charlie's Angels_, and all of the _Harry Potters_…" Haley said.

"Good times." Peyton said grinning

"I'm going to go get the popcorn." Jake said heading to the kitchen.

"I'll help." Peyton said taking Jenny and following Jake. "A little burnt?" She said as Jake pulled a black bag out of the microwave.

"I didn't know how long to put it on for!" He complained

"See this button right here on the microwave that says Popcorn." Peyton said laughing

"They should have made it bigger or something!"

"It's the size of all the other buttons!" Peyton argued back. "What are we going to do with him?" Peyton said looking at Jenny, tickling her stomach causing the little girl to giggle.

"I think I should let you do this on your own." Peyton said walking she and Jenny out of the kitchen

"Thanks." Jake said playfully rolling his eyes. Then he remembered something. "Peyton!" He called, she came back in, this time without Jenny, Haley had probably stolen her.

"Yeah?"

"The doctors said that you probably shouldn't be alone." Jake said

"I know that." She said

"Well your dad doesn't get back for another week and a half so I'm going to stay with you." Jake said. "Well for the most part, I may have to go home occasionally, but when I do Brooke or Luke will probably be here." He explained

"God I feel like I am burdening you guys." Peyton said leaning against the counter. "And Jaggar, what if he comes back?"

Jake came over to her and grabbed her hands.

"my brother skipped town right after what happened with you. And we're here for you because we want to be."

There faces hovered in front of each other for a few seconds until Jake could bear it no more and he leaned in and kissed her.

"What was that?" Peyton asked smiling.

"If you don't know what that was I think your crazy." Jake said backing away smiling.

Peyton laughed.

"What does it mean?" She asked smiling

"Whatever you want it to mean." Jake said

"Interesting." Peyton said.

"My kiss was interesting?" Jake asked

"No, that burning smell…" She said looking towards the microwave. "HOW MANY TIME DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!" Peyton playfully yelled. "USE THE POPCORN BUTTON!"

Finally they got the popcorn situation corrected, and rejoined their friends in the living room who had already started watching the first Charlie's Angels movie. They looked at Peyton and Jake when they came in… both of their hair slightly messed, and grinning from ear to ear.

Peyton reached out for Jenny who Haley held.

"I want her! I want her!" She said playfully.

Jenny reached her hands back out to Peyton, who took her from Haleys arms. Jenny looked back at Haley and smiled.

"I swear that kid hates me." Haley said smiling as she spoke

"Na uh, my Jenny loves everyone!" She said kissing her neck as she sat down on the couch next to Jake, Jenny on her lap. Brooke and Lucas sat next to them on the other end of the couch, ad Nathan sat on the floor leaning against the couch, with Haley resting on his lap.

It was hard to remember times were not always this easy.

** One more chapter and MAYBE an epoligue. It shoild be up sometime this week. It is already written. The more reviews I get the sooner it will be up. THANKS!**

** XOXO Jules**


	10. Into the light of a dark black night

** AH! How can it be over? Alright before you read this chapter read the thank you. PLEASE!**

** This was an interesting story for me to write. The topic was very controversial... (woah did I spell that right), and thanks for the support with that. Anyone having problems with depression, just know, it gets better, I'm becoming proof of that.**

**Cyberchick2007: **Thanks for the review. One thing that worried me was that you said you haven't done it "yet." Anyway, IM me, my sn is Chexmixforyou. We can chat.

**Tardychick06:** You totally review like a mad amount to my stories and I think that's really hott so thank you for that.

**lysser8312:** Yeah Jeyton fans!

**LucasPeyton4Ever:** Your request for another Lucas Peyton story was one of the reasons I started my new one "Away from the Sun," thanky much

**Vikki:** Sorry if you thought I was writing something about "what you could never understand", I guess we all have our surprises don't we? ;)

**BIG THANK YOU too to all of you other Readers and Reviewers. It means a lot. Anyone want to talk about anything at anytime, I think my screen name is up there somewhere. Hit me up. I LOVE YOU ALL!**

Chapter 8: "Into the light of a dark black night"

It was a month after the whole ordeal, if ordeal was even the word for it. Everything was going great, but life never fails to screw you over.

Jake had called Peyton to the park. It was a sudden call. He sounded shaken up on the phone. Peyton rushed over there, thinking that it had something to do with Nikki or that something was wrong with Jenny.

When she arrived she found Jake sitting alone on a swing, Jenny in her stroller next to him.

It was a rainy fall day. The leaves slickly coated the ground making a mush with the earthworms beneath your feet. A dark cloud seemed to cover as far as the eye can see. Days like this you knew that something was going to go wrong. All that you could do was wait around and see what.

"Jake." Peyton said shoving her hands in her pockets as she approached.

She had taken to wearing long sleeved shirts. The scars were still there, but she didn't wish them away. She liked them there. They were comforting. A tribute to the times almost.

"What's going on?" She asked again removing Jenny from her stroller. "Is everything okay? Is it Nikki?" She asked kissing Jenny's head.

Jake shook his head no.

"What is it then Jake?" Peyton asked rubbing Jennys back as she took a seat on the swing next to him.

"My dad got laid off." Jake said

Peyton paused.

"Well it's okay. He can find another job." She said trying to lighten the mood.

"That's not it… he FOUND another job." Jake said. "Problem is is that it in in Phoenix."

"ARIZONA!" Peyton practically yelled "Well when do you have to go?" She asked

"My dad said by the end of this month." Jake said in a whisper

"… but that's barely two weeks." Peyton figured… "You can't go."

"I have no other choice. I could get my own place here but I don't have that kind of money right now." Jake said hanging his head.

"You're not going." Peyton said focusing on Jenny.

"I don't have any pl-"

Peyton cut him off.

"You can stay with me." She said

"That's crazy! Your dad wou-"

She cut him off again.

"Hate for me to be alone after everything that happened. You can stay with me until you get a place of your own. If you don't want you don't even have to leave. Besides, we have to extra rooms." Peyton said grabbing his hand smiling

"Peyton I can't burden you with me and Jenny." He tried to reason

"Jake, you saved my life. Besides you're my boyfriend, and those long distance relationships never work." She said smiling

"Oh what, and live in ones do?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, look at Haley and Nathan!" She pointed out.

Jake took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure that my parents would go for it." He said

"Well they're going to have to because I will not take no for an answer." She said leaning over and kissing him.

"What would I do without you?" He asked

"I don't know… move to Phoenix?" Peyton said laughing. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Yup, time to break the news to the parentals." Jake said as he pushed the stroller out of the park, Peyton following closely behind with Jenny.

Two days later Peyton, Haley and Brooke were are Peyton's house.

"Yellow is so Jenny's color." Brooke said as she rolled more yellow paint onto the wall.

Peyton laughed

"I still can't believe that your dad is letting them stay." Haley said.

"Hypocrite." Brooke said flinging paint at Haley

"Guys, don't fling paint, I want her room to be perfect." Peyton said smiling.

"Alright mommy dearest." Haley.

"Doesn't that weird you out?" Brook asked as she stopped rolling. "Your boyfriend having a kid?"

"Who am I to say it's wrong. I mean, I got involved with him knowing. Nikki's not around so it really doesn't matter. It didn't even when she was."

"But doesn't that kind of put you in the mother role?" Haley asked "them living with you now and all."

Peyton shrugged.

"So. I mean. I know how it is to grow up without a mother. I will still be there for Jenny even if Jake and I aren't together. I love her. Every little girl deserves a mother."

"But after everything you've been through-" Brooke began

"It has just made me more prepared." Peyton said as she finished up the last spot of yellow.

Right then they heard the door open and shut. It had to be the boys. They had no idea what the girls were up to.

"PIZZA!" Nathan yelled up the stairs.

"Oh food!" Haley said dropping her paintbrush and running along downstairs followed by

Brooke and Peyton.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

"Ah yes, we come bearing entrees." Nathan said kissing Haley

"What's with the yellow paint?" Luke asked

"Nothing." Brooke said leaning in for a kiss.

" You're sure that you're moving in here?" Haley asked

"Yeah I am." he said looking down at Jenny who was nestled in the crook of his arm asleep.

"You better watch out. You don't know what you're getting into!" Nathan said.

"HEY!" Peyton and Haley say in unison slapping him in his sides.

"No longer speaking." Nathan said

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

"Just know now that I will be watching you like a hawk now." Lucas said turning to Jake.

"HAHA! Get it, like a hawk! The team mascot is a Hawk… and Luke is on the team…"

They all shot him glares.

"Never mind." He said

"You just keep an eye on me Luke." Brooke said kissing him

"God knows that she needs it." Peyton said winking at Lucas, earning a slap in the head from Brooke.

"About that paint?" Jake brought up again.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly  
Into the light of the dark black night.  
  
Blackbird fly blackbird fly  
Into the light of the dark black night.

"Follow me." Peyton said leading him upstairs and opening a door. "We did it for Jenny." She said smiling. "Hope you like it."

"Its… wow, it's amazing." Jake said

Peyton had added her own little touch to the room by painting blue ducks all around.

"I love it." He said leaning to kiss Peyton, Jenny between them.

"I'm glad." She said leaning on his side. "Hey Jake?" She asked suddenly

"Yeah?" He asked looking down on the curly haired blonde.

"We're going to be okay aren't we."

There was a pause.

"Yeah." He said as he kissed her. "Now, let's go dig into the pizza before the Scott's eat it all." He said wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Deal." She said smiling.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

_ ** THE END... or is it? There may be an epilogue**_


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